Here’s the thing.
I was going to write this one post, but I don’t think I can, I’m going to split it up into a couple…
Part one
For the last couple of weeks I’ve really been considering, how can I mourn for what was never really mine?
September 29th marked the birth of one of my favourite actresses. I never met her, and I never truly knew of her until a couple of years ago but somehow she’s a special part of my life, I can’t place why, or how this came to be, I just know that something about losing her, breaks my heart every time I remember her. But it doesn’t seem right to mourn her so, she never knew me, I never met her, so what right do I have?
She has a bench dedicated to her in Central Park. It is my dream to visit New York just to visit this bench.
I would be happy if I could just go there for an hour, sit there, then leave.
I remember a couple of months ago I saw a theatre show where they sang songs which featured on a film she starred in, it is one of my favourites, I even have a signed picture of her in the film. I never realised that the songs they sang would be the same as the songs in the film, and I sat on the front row and wept throughout the show, and afterwards. It was tough.
I find this is relevant to my recent job hunt, I went and interviewed for the perfect job. For two days I never left my phone’s side, incase I got a call about it. I was sure I had nailed the interview and was in with a shot.
I guess I really almost convinced myself I could get it, the interview had gone so well, I was so passionate and I was only one of five people to be interviewed. I really thought I’d got it.
Finally I got a reply. I made it to the last two people, but they gave it to someone with professional experience. I cracked. It was a social media role, I had personal experience in every media platform they required, it’s the only job I’ve interviewed for I really could have walked into, with knowledge and excelled, but it wasn’t mine. I cried for hours. I couldn’t face anything.
But was I justified to grieve for that lost opportunity? The job had never been mine, so why should it hurt me so?
I have a lighter post to follow shortly.
itswhattheycallgrowingup 